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Old 08-30-2011, 06:52 AM
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duqld1717
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 287
Ah I feel like a ragdoll or something

I am always working on my recovery and believe me, I get many opportunities to put it to work. I feel like if you try to live your life being a good person, keeping your side of the street clean and making healthy choices, you are completely alone. I don't even have my family to turn to because they don't even realize how sick they are. I don't really have a big family to begin with anyway. Most of my relatives are spread out and I'm only close with my mom and my grandfather and my grandmother has passed away a few months ago. I'm not close with my dad because he lives across the country, and I'm an only child so I don't have any brothers or sisters.

My grandfather has severe OCD, anxiety and depression. My mother is his caretaker and its sad but I'm afraid she is heading down that same path. She obsesses and compulses, calls me 5 to 6 times a day, thinking that I'm going to die or something bad is going to happen. She won't go get help. It really affects me because I feel bad ignoring her calls or cutting her off, but its the only way I can keep sane. I hate having that type of relationship with my mother. I want to be able to talk to her and have a normal conversation, but I cannot because she will immediately obsess over something irrelavant. Both my mother and my grandfather have no idea how bad they effect other people with their compulsions, they just do it anyway and everyone just has to "deal with it". Kinda like alcoholism..fun. Most days I ignore their problems, but it does get to me at times and I live away from them so thats good.

Its hard to turn to people my own age because everyone is so caught up in their own lives. I don't let that many people into my life anymore because I use to trust too easily and give everyone the benefit of the doubt and that did not work out so well so now I am choosy. When I set boundries with people and tell them I don't like something they are doing or not doing, they act like I am the worst person on the planet and they drop me as a friend. They act like I'm not a good person and have murdered someone and they want far away from me. I never feel bad for standing up for myself but people can be so difficult when you don't give them their way (and these are normies). I know they aren't true friends anyway if they do that, but it doesn't make me feel good either way.

I guess I'm just feeling like if you are someone like me that doesn't hate on people and try to use people or have a major disease, disorder or problem, you feel like you are alone because so many people out there are unhealthy mentally and physically and they are oblivious to how they effect everyone. I need some kind words or encouragement right now because I try so hard to not let other people's issues effect me but IT IS SO HARD when its all around you. Its really hard for me to feel grounded anywhere. I'm so trying to search out people and places where I can feel "safe" from the unhealthy whirlwind that tries to suck you in out there. Its alot easier said than done however. Thanks for letting me share my feelings today!
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