Wolf_22

I'm sometimes amazed at what a small world it really is sometimes because the image you paint the picture of here seems exactly like my reality except that I think we probably have different reasons for it.

In any event, I'm at a point in my life where I think I hate almost everyone I contact in some form or another. The reason for this usually stems back to being unable to discern what causes things to happen in my life I feel I have no control over. For example, this past week some jerk hit my car and drove off. That mess aside, I can't figure out why that happened to me when ten or more cars were parked outside on the street, too. I'm not saying I wanted someone else to get hit... Just that I can't figure out why my car got hit!

Anyway, this feeling of irony or whatever has been mostly prevalent in my ever since high school. I think some of it comes from my inherited cynical personality, but I also think some of it comes from my inability to be sold on change...

I've always hated change. Change to me represents the act of moving onto lands and into states where there is no normalcy. And trust me, one of the first things people who have lived with alcoholics yearn for is normalcy because it symbolizes peace.

All this being said, I think you just need to keep doing what you're doing. Keep doing those everyday things that you like to do and sooner or later, the pressure cooker will be out of steam. Easier said than done, I know, but it's better than pulling a "Dexter" and going hog wild on someone with a hammer! (Not that this wouldn't feel oh so good!)

For whatever it's worth, you're definitely not alone in that struggle you find yourself in. I fight that all the time myself.