Maureen,
I have been there myself... the shame and guilt I have for my own behavior is gut-wrenching. In doing a Step 8, I have come to realize that one of the people I have hurt the most... is myself. I have forgotten who I want to be as a person... allowed myself to slip back into the insanity and it puts deep scars in my soul.
Good for you for getting back into your books and recovery! You did the next right thing and that's all that matters!!!
Sending big virtual hugs your way!
Shannon