Thanks for reading my long post. I did go on and on.
I know it doesn't seem like an alkie issue but in fact it feels that way to me. I thought to write about it here because the situation gives me the same panicky feeling of dealing with an alky: I'm trying to coach myself to just let it go.
If my flakey, manipulative co-worker wants to manufacture these crises that's his deal. I can't control that, and I can't play along, no matter how badly I want the whole project to turn out well. I have to find an assertive yet diplomatic way of deflecting the consequences back to him too.
Wouldn't mind some suggestions on how to do that if anyone had a thought... thanks.