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Old 08-27-2011, 06:06 PM
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BeProactive
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: bay area, ca
Posts: 87
Living Separately Versus Divorce

My current situation: Filed for divorce 2 months ago and moved out, living separately from stbxah. we have two boys 10yrs and 8yrs. stbxah has been unemployed for about 4 years now and his unemployment benefits ran out last month. He has a little bit of savings (I divvied up our savings a year or so ago into exact half) left. After his unemployment benefits ran out, he has been using his credit cards and his savings for his living/drinking/eating expenses. He also had a period of unemployement of about 3 years, 10 years ago - patchy employment history and his career is currently in doldrums.

We lived apart for 6 months nov 2010 - may 2011, when he forced himself back home. Given this situation, I am filing for the divorce mainly for financial reasons and also to put an end to my involvement in enabling him in any way. This has been a hard road and took me a while to come to this place. When we were living separately nov 2010 - may 2011, I was quite happy living that way (since he was out of the country and I did not have to worry about him racking up debts, etc) and was not emotionally ready to file for divorce. His forcing himself back home and behaving unreasonably and hence dashing any remaining hopes I had of him recovering and coming back home a fully reformed, gainly employed husband and father (yeah right!!) made me finally file for divorce.

Now, stbxah and his family are saying since you are anyways living separately for now, why don't you continue this way and see how things work out in about a year's time... Kids get affected by divorce, especially boys and especially during teen years - they might end up going the wrong path, etc, etc.. I know they are trying to buy time and trying to use any thing (kids, etc) to make me stop the process.. But this is my biggest worry - my kids getting affected by all this and going down the addiction route (shudder, my biggest fear and nightmare).. This is giving me a little bit of pause and making me question - am I doing the right thing? Should I try this living separately instead of the divorce that I filed?

But I worry about financial consequences if I try this.. Would I be liable for any of his credit card debts? What about any drinking and driving related issues - would I be liable?

I don't know why I am even considering this
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