breec -
Of course you are smart and responsible ! I think that most of us are. That's why A's like us so much. We can do all the smart and responsible things they don't want to do.
You are right though. You need to figure out why you stay. Then you'll be able to work on whatever it is. It takes time. If you go to a counselor, maybe it will help - probably won't hurt.
I want you to stay safe and keep the faith. It will get better.
L