How do I say this and be totally honest.........he has never once hurt my children.........the youngest one is ours......the two older are mine.......
I do have a right to be sacred of him, he has hurt me pretty badly once and that was five years ago........since then it has been a push here or a push there.......not to make it lightly because it is not........he picked me up by my robe a few months back because i told him no to sex............and he was sober..........I dont know why I stay, honestly........I cant figure all that out......I know I dont deserve to be pushed around, or called names......I am also not stupid anymore about it, when he says he will never do it again........So yes, I do have that genuine fear of him maybe hurting me.........That is what I am trying to figure out......why am I staying..........
One thing that I do know for sure........I feel like he has brainwashed my youngest daughter.........between him and his mother.........she would rather be with his mother, then home........because her granny gives her anything she wants.....and i have to say no sometimes.........When I went to a counselor he told me that, it was like I have two seperate families......Me and my two older kids........and then there is my Ah, his mom and Bree.........I had to go back to work two weeks after she was born, yes two weeks............and I went right back to 48 hours a week..........and went to finish college at night......so I could be more then a waitress..........so he and his mother raised her..........his mother brings stuff over for her and not my two older kids.........I would tell her no going over to grannys all the time........and my h made her think that I was just being mean.......he would say to her you know its not me saying no, its your mother......he doesnt want to make decisions for her, he would always tell her to ask me and I felt like I always had to be the bad guy, with him and his mother........and she picked up on that and would crawl into her daddy's lap, while he would console her after I said no.........or when i would discipline her he would tell me to chill out.........(I never spank my kids) only lecture them to death........It is almost like he was protecting her from me........but with no reason.........I think he wants her to himself and is willing to share her with his mother..........I feel like the third party all the time.........I am afraid that I would loose her to him.............not in front of the courts, but emotionaly.........it is another thing she would blame me for...........
I am sorry I am just thinking about all this mess...........and I dont get alot of things of why I am the way that I am......I havent figured it all out yet..........