breec -
I have no experience with a dry drunk but it sounds like that's what you're dealing with. He quit drinking but hasn't worked on any of his problems.
I think that you may be having a hard time distancing yourself from his problems because you are afraid of him - that he may physically hurt you. You try to do what he wants and say the right things so he won't hurt you.
I don't have any experience with that either. I can imagine it would be very, very hard.
I am afraid that he is just trying to get to you. He wants an excuse to be mad and violent. He wants to force you to stay on this ride with him. He wants you to be just as sick as he is.
Hopefully, somebody will come along with more wisdom and experience. I want to tell you to ignore him, stop taking his calls, etc. But, You know by experience that he may hurt you if you push him too far. I don't want you to get hurt.
L