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Old 08-24-2004, 07:20 PM
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bonbon
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
She ran to Hide....

I sit here tonite, it is quiet at my place. I just woke up from a deep relaxing nap. My daughter is asleep and inside of me I am a mess. Last night around midnite my x-A (her father) came pounding on my door, my back window and woke up all of my neighbors in the building I live. He called me over and over again until I anserwed telling me he had my daughter some school supplies and wanted to give them to her. I knew instantly he was high. By him being at my door he was in violation of his restraining order. I had only a chain and a security lock on my door. I didnt realize my deadbolt wasn't locked. My neighbor came outside he cursed her out, I heard this from the other side of the door. I called the police while here inside. By this time my daughter woke up. 5 Minutes later he broke in the front door and broke my chain and security lock off the door, and had me in the floor choking me. He was covered in sweat, he was high and reaked of alcohol. All I hear in my head is my daughter screaming, I've heard it all day in my head. I was fighting to get him to let go of my neck I was trying to do anything I could. I was thinking at the time would he hurt my daghter? He was yellling,screaming telling my daughter what a sorry mother I was, and that I turned her against him. My eyes were watering and I was getting lightheaded, he let go he went into the kitchen and started throwing glasses and yelling. I was in the corner of the living room with my daughter praying for the police to come. A few minutes which felt like hours later they came in the door and handcuffed him in my kitchen floor. He is still in jail.

I got my daughter to sleep finally, she kept asking if I was okay, I kept telling her yes, I was okay. we would be okay.

I didnt go to sleep I sat in my living room floor feeling like the events that just occured were a big bad dream. I have felt zapped of energy all day, everytime I looked at a mirror while passing by I saw the old me, the one who was scared and weak. That made me mad to see that. I didnt and still dont feel alive and full of life like I have been feeling. That new me I think is hiding. She has to come back out though because I love her.

I will get through this, I want to get through this. I have goals I have to reach. things are not easy right now, but I am getting a second job part time in the evenings to better myself financially. Just for a month or two the extra work. Things will get better I keep telling myself. I truly dont know what I would do without you guys. I love you all from the bottom of my heart.
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