Theresa...I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's true. Just 3 short weeks ago, I was feeling exactly as you are now. And then, my prayers were answered. I was ready to quit it all, marriage, work, life. In my desparation, I went to a meeting I had avoided for a decade, as it is held at a place where I have sometimes worked. It changed my life. And, I was able, through no power of my own, to say goodbye to alcohol once and for all. And that is after 28 years of being in and out, and on that hamster wheel you speak of.
I hope it's okay that I pray for you. And please keep posting. This site is also a lifesaver. Just don't drink today, and repeat. If necessary, start tomorrow. I really hope you will give yourself over to a simple program or plan of simply not drinking today, minute by minute, hour by hour, whatever it takes. It will change your life. And, when you start feeling better, still don't trust the drink. Trust those who will help you learn again how to live, and to find happiness.
Peace.