Well it has been an interesting week. RAH is very smart and it is hard for me to know if he is really doing the work (ie walking the walk) or if this is all still a big game of get the wife (and those at the center) to believe he is recovering. I had a discussion with the person who handles the business end of stuff for the center (the one who collect payment) and advised her of my thoughts. RAH come home and tells me his case worker talked to him about how he is very smart and so is his disease and even if he thinks he is doing good he still needs to be in rehab for the 30 days. It was agreed, because he is doing so well, that he could have weekends off, except family time on Saturday.
We went to family day yesterday (just us, not the kids). Part of me wanted to bolt out the door. I know that rehab is a wonderful place and many addicts get the help they need but as I sat and listened to them it was really hard to trust what any of them were saying. I really have become cynical. I am trying to open my heart and my mind and have a wait and see attitude. We also met with the counselor and had a very long discussion. Everyone was being nice until I brought up RAH behavior from the night before. RAH did a 180 and in my opinion showed the counselor part of what it is like to live with him. He once again brought up how him being like he is is my self fulfilling prophecy. Seriously?! I'm just glad he said it in front of the counselor. It really just feels like he wants to sweep all the problems we have had under the rug and wipe the slate clean...only I have emotional issues about how he treated me that I need to work through and he needs to be a part of that too. MC will have to be included in helping us to rebuild our relationship. Rehab is only the start, not the end and I think he needs to come to terms with that as well.
His case worker is going to also call me to talk about things. I am guessing that call will be sometime tomorrow.
It has only been a week so I really just need to see how things go from here.
A positive thing he did say was he was glad I went to Al-anon because that is what got in the way of his drinking/denial. I finally had the courage to change, and some tools on how to do it the right way. It gave me the ability to stop arguing with him, let him be with his disease, and let him feel the consequences of what it was doing to us.
Thanks to each of you for your support!