Thread: Scared
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Old 08-20-2011, 06:54 PM
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peggy125
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: home
Posts: 10
Scared

I've been reading these forums for years. For years I drank way more than I should have. I did a lot of really stupid things and I was starting to drink by myself when I got pregnant 6+ years ago. The day I found out I was pregnant I stopped drinking and smoking. I have never had another cigarette since the day I found out I was pregnant 6+ years ago. In the last six years I've had a drink or two a few times a year with dinner. In the last two years life has become more and more stressful with 3 kids, a full time job with lots of responsibility and a house to maintain. Last year the we bought a bigger house which means just more to take care of and a much longer commute to work. Lately I've been craving alcohol. I am terrified of my kids growing up because I fear that I won't have enough to do and I'll just go back to drinking. Tonight I'm home alone and I drank an entire bottle of wine. I haven't done that in over 6 years. I am scared that I'm so stressed with all of the responsibility that I have that I won't even wait until my kids are grown to start drinking excessively. I don't know why I drank a bottle of wine tonight and although I know I won't do this again for a very long time I'll wish that I could. I am scared of alcohol and the fact that although I've been away from drinking for a while it wouldn't take much for me to be back to drinking at every opportunity. I struggle with overeating too and then I diet excessively and run constantly. I just wish I could relax and not have to be so hyper-vigilant about drinking, eating and exercising. I'm sorry if this is rambling and I would appreciate any thoughts and or advise.
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