I am loving this thread! Here are a few from my recently estranged alcoholic husband:
1. You have a choice, I can either move out now or I can pay you my half of the bills for the last 3 months. (I was happy to take the $$$ hit on this one.)
2. I only spend about $20 every day at the bar. (Now quack number 1 makes sense.)
3. I'm not the raging alcoholic you think I am. (Oh, so only sober people climb up the stairs on all fours?)
4. How do you know that I won't stop drinking if you have more sex with me? (Uh, just a hunch based on the last decade. I'm sure your ex-wife and ex-GF could weigh in on this, too.)
5. I gave up everything to be with you. (Except your abusive drinking habit.)
6. I'm not as bad as I used to be when you first met me. (True. Back then it was drinking AND drugs.)
7. I go to the bar every day because THEY don't nag me about my drinking.
Quack on, friends!