Thread: Losing my cool
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Old 08-19-2011, 06:14 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
GettingBy
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
WTBH...

What I have learned is that people are who they are, and they will do what they do until it stops working for them. My AH will continue to push my buttons if I continue to react. I tried and tried to find the perfect combination of words that would somehow get him to stop. Ahh, I was trying to control the situation and him - but Step 1 - I am powerless over people, places and things. SOOO, my AH likes to push buttons. He likes to get people agitated. It's ****** up... and he's not going to stop because it is what he does. My only choice is to stop responding to it. What that looks like depends on each and every situation. If it's a text or email, I delete/ignore/don't respond. If we're on the phone, I excuse myself from the conversation (well, for me, I actually tell a white lie - "OH, I'm sorry to cut you off but I have to go... xyz came up! We'll talk more later!" Yeah, it's a lie - but I play nice to get myself the hell out of bad situation. Because I know ME, I know that if allow myself to stay near him, sooner or later - he's going to find the weak link in my Al-anon armor... and BOOOM - I'm gonna react! When we're in person, it's a bit harder - I tend to have alot of "urgent bathroom trips"! I do the best I can in the current situation to protect myself and my sanity - knowing that I too can't get my AH out of the house, I can't keep him from the kids. It's not fun. Limboland can be downright hell at times - but that's where keeping the focus on ME really matters. And, accepting that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I can do that will change my AH or stop him from being a *****.

I know my AH won't leave - so I am working on my exit plan on how I am going to leave. Getting my work/business in order so that I have the money I need to firmly support myself. So, while I know what I want the finish line to be - I'm just not there yet and in the meantime, I have to make the best out of the situation I'm in. One day at a time. I keep my eyes and ears open - collecting my information - and not adding to the chaos. As my Dad always said, "Sweetie, just make sure you keep YOUR nose clean and you'll have nothing to worry about!!!" So that's it. I keep my side of the street neat and tidy - and work really hard on learning how to not play the blame/shame game with my AH. And I trust that more will be revealed and all will work out okay - as long as I keeping handing it over to my HP!

As someone's signature says... when you find yourself in hell, keep walking!! I keep going to my Al-anon meetings, working with my sponsor - building my strength and my exit plan - one day at a time.

Thanks for letting me share!
Shannon
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