Wow!! Thanks so much for your comments. It's so amazing that so many of us share the same stories, even the details. I just got in from alanon meeting and we discussed patience, which I work on daily. And struggle with daily.
It's almost as if, at my breaking point, I really had to question if my loyalty to the marriage was really me "using him" for the little help or affection he could give??! In no way really loving and honoring him as a person. Really not giving him dignity or respect ( or of course myself).
Thanks so much for sharing your own stories. We can give eachother strength. We all need to be true to ourselves first. I'm finally, finally doing that.