how did you keep from getting angry?
I didn't. I spent months being frightened -- both of him physically attacking me (he broke the protective order several times and I was too scared to report it) and of him actually managing to talk me into coming back. Once the divorce was final, I
let myself be angry. Anger was actually a good emotion, because it meant I had taken the power back from him.
After the anger -- it's gone now, most of the time -- came... I don't know how to describe it. Disinterestedness? Distance? Detachment? I wasn't surprised when I heard he was drinking again; I guess I was expecting it. I get furious regularly when he pulls some BS involving the kids, but other than that, he's like any other drunk out there. I don't feel pity, I
think it's too bad that someone chooses to ruin their life with alcohol.
Allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling. Your feelings are OK. They'll change over time; mine will, too, and part of not living with an A anymore is the luxury of being allowed to have all those feelings that weren't permitted in your A marriage.
