Tonight I did what every expert says not to do. I had a MAJOR fight with my AH. I asked him if drinking were worth throwing our relationship and our two sons away. He said that what I'm asking of him (to concentrate on sobriety again) was too much to ask for. So I said, while I was angry, that if we weren't worth fighting for that we may as well throw in the towel and get it over with. I also asked him if he understood that he was going to die if he didn't make changes sooner or later. He said that he wanted to die bur since he lost his job he doesnt have life insurance. I almost, but didn't say, "well don't let thar stop you. ". Thank goodness caught myself before that point.
Essentially I unleashed a year's worth of anger at him. And he...did not seem to care. He says he was sober during our fight bit I'm not convinced...
All this because he went into the kitchen and found more ants from our recent ant infestation, which of course was all my fault. He kept saying how he was the one that did all the cleaning, which was so not true. I just snapped. His perception is so off when he drinks and i was so sick of him playing the martyr. Besides since he's the one without the job, shouldn't he be the one who does do most of the cleaning?
So after all this he yelled at me some more about how this wasn't helping him not drink and I yelled at him to stop using that as an excuse because it was basically BS. We ended it with him saying how now he wouldn't be able to sleep, but guess who's the one that is up at 2 am with the raging headache and who is the one that's asleep?
I think I need major help. I looked into alanon meetings but none of the meetings are at a convenient location or time for me. I have two young kids and I've been Picking up extra classes to teach for extra money. Are online meetings worthwhile?