eyes openning
Such a long road it has been to where I am, but I can't believe what I can see now. Realization after how many people have said, If nothing changes, nothing changes....so true. Most importantly, and not necessarily having to with alcohol, I realized that for my stbxah, it has much more to do with his abuse. In his world, his anger, his feelings exist and that somehow within him he believed that my emotions must be tied to his. For example, yesterday I helped him out when his truck was hit by a car and he needed to be somewhere....and then I had to leave where we were and he needed his badge to get in and out. I stuck it thru the fence like he told me to, only he couldn't find it...he called me screaming at me, criticizing me, demeaning me...until he found it. THen he sent a text apologizing....well I wasn't ok with being treated that way at all, and he can apologize all day, it doesn't excuse anything. When I went back to get him he was acting nice, and I was still irritated, he couldn't believe how cold I was being. It hit me that if HE is over it, he believe I shojld be OVER it...whatever it was. Well guess what I wasn't, and people don't work that way. THis has been a recurring problem when we were married, but I couldn't figure it out. I am OVER it all at this point and don't really care what he does.....but it is amazin how I let myself be treated and drawn in...and what I can see that I couldn't before!