NoTears

Hi all,
Back with my tail between my legs. I have been insistent that I can't go to a Dr. because I don't trust the privacy, but last night I was really bad to my husband.

I called the Dr. today and got in; almost lied to the nurse but then told her I was having trouble with my drinking and wanted to see if I could maybe get something to help.

I told her the truth about everything and answered all questions - like that I have been 5-20 drinks most nights for almost 30 years. It was so hard.

She said she didn't know much about it and would talk to her colleagues. She called me at 5pm to tell me that she couldn't give me antabuse until I had 3 weeks without drinking, and that I should call this place to get a chemical dependency evaluation a treatment plan with a counselor and come back in a month. She said "I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but this is what you need to get better". I felt so small and stupid.

I called the place, a counselor will evaluate me in 3 weeks, whatever that means.

No blood work, nothing. I could be dying, or I could die from detox. I am so full of grief that I opened up and asked for help, and now I am shaking and scared and I feel so lost and sad and I don't know what to do.

But I guess that's the alcoholic in me. I wanted help NOW. No impulse control.

Thanks for letting me wallow. Back to the tears - lots and lots of them tonight for the first time in a long time.