I have shared this before and I would like to share it again - this was the analogy that put the
PINK writing on the wall for me . . .
A trusted friend in my recovery circle asked me to do this when I was struggling with the fact of whether it was time to walk away from what I felt was a dysfunction farce of a marriage to my now exah . . .
Look at the relationship you are in - not the "what if's" the "it could be's" or the "it may be's"
the right here, right now - the cold hard facts of what you are living in, dealing with and facing for your future - now take yourself out of the picture and imagine that that your daughter, mother, sister, or very best friend is in this exact same relationship
what would you tell them?
When I thought about one of my 5 beautiful daughters living in the same type of relationship that I had with their dad (my now exah) - my heart broke!
I was showing them and my granddaughters this was acceptable behavior!
By my actions, I was letting them know that it was ok to not be treated with respect or dignity.
That it was ok to be dishonest to me, to steal from me, to cheat, to be disrespectful, to discount my thoughts, feelings, opinions, and beliefs; basically that it was acceptable to be treated as a second class citizen - to be valued as less than.
Did I really want them to learn that from me? Did I really feel that way about myself?
Even if my exah had wanted to, it is my belief that the disease of active alcholism/addiction will not allow my partner to give respect, dignity or healthy love, because he didn't have these things for himself.
I wanted the very best for my girls, I knew that for them to learn something different than what they had been raised in ~ they had to SEE something different. I had to show them that it was ok to expect respect, dignity and healthy love and to give these same things.
The battle is still with me ~ that old codie behavior likes to rear it's ugly head and try to rule my life again - but I have the tools of my recovery program to keep myself in a healthy place.
It's a true blessing to have respect, dignity and healthy love for myself and in my relationship with Mr. PINK.
My prayer is that all experience these things daily.
Just my e, s, & h on my path of recovery!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
