View Single Post
Old 08-09-2011, 04:46 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
chronsweet
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
I struggled with this question too, in the beginning of our relationship, which is why I think I stayed so long. Actually if I hadn't gotten pregnant I would have left way before now. I have been with my ABF/addict for over 4 years now and I can finally say that I submitted my 30 day notice TODAY and secured me and my baby a room to rent until I can afford my own place!

Anyhow, my ABF always acted and still does, holier than thou, he is VERY narcissistic. He would always act like I was nothing and had no value to him. I went through alot of family pain and drama when I met him and although I had never had anyone in my life like him before, I was caught off guard. My thoughts were how can HE not like ME and he knew what he was doing, I know this now. It was always about control.

He would always make me feel like he was going to be some great musician with all the ladies flocking to him and he had to keep himself 'available' just in case. I am also 4 years older than he is and so he used this to his advantage as well to make me feel inferior and unattractive, although I am the complete opposite of unattractive. So, he'd make me worry about these kinds of things and then call me insecure. It is amazing the head games addicts play on co-dependent people and how we accept it and let them.

I have finally seen the cycle for what it is. I have stepped out of the shadows and will not be manipulated anymore. I used to be so scared that someone else would come along and scoop up his 'talented and tortured soul'. Now, to be honest, I don't care if he has 100 girlfriends who are 100 times as attractive as myself. I just don't care. I only care to be HAPPY and for my soul to be free from the mental and verbal abuse. I only care about raising my son in a healthy, loving environment.

I left my ex-husband of 13 years who was a non-alcoholic, non-addict, and you know what I wanted him to be happy. I was happy when he found a girlfriend and they had children. I talk to both of them today. That is a healthy way to look at life.

Sometimes we just find ourselves on a different page than other people in life and we need to realize that we write our own stories. If you leave misery, then just be happy with that, ya know? Who cares if a person gets their life back on track as long as everyone comes out a better person.

Just my two cents. I am very emotional today as I AM LEAVING my alcoholic relationship and my feelings are ranging from anger to excitement to sadness, so I may be all over the place.
chronsweet is offline