This post makes me feel very sad.
As an ACA, I think it demonstrates how dysfunction can be passed down for generations. When I was 15-years-old, I didn’t want to live with a violent alcoholic. When I was 15-years-old, I didn’t want to choose between my father and a chaotic home environment. When I was 15-years-old, I didn’t want to think about giving harmful people multiple opportunities to abuse me.
When I was 15-years-old, I wanted to think about fun stuff: school, activities, boys, and friends. I wish I could have been planning what I wanted my life to be like; I wish I was surrounded by people who were able to SUPPORT ME. I wish I didn’t think it was my job to support my alcoholic father.
I’d too admire a 15-year-old who is capable of walking away from this situation. It’s something that I didn’t learn to do until I was well into my thirties. However, my heart is breaking for another child who is being forced to grow up too soon. Guess it’s good that he has a safe place to go; many children don’t have a safe place.
I think it’s interesting how similar addictions can be. There are loved ones of alcoholics wondering why the alcoholic is choosing alcohol over them. Then there are loved ones of “codies” wondering why the codie is choosing the alcoholic over them. It’s a bad game of musical chairs.
This post, this forum, and Al-Anon however give me hope. I’m hopeful that there are some parents who can see how they are contributing to the dysfunction and get help before more harm is done to their children. There are some parents who will succeed in breaking this awful cycle and this brings me joy!
I so understand how this happens because I’ve lived it! Over the years, I have had my share of dysfunctional relationships and still have many ACA traits. My kids are younger (8 & 11) and one of my biggest worries is that I’m not getting “healthy” quickly enough and I’m going to still pass down my family’s dysfunction to them.
Just gotta keep on doing the best that I can each day and take it one day at a time! That's all we can do.
Thank you for sharing your story and for letting me share.
Please keep coming back!
db