Where I have a hard time not having a black/white plan (just plain leaving) is that his negative behavior can creep up quickly without much warning. While I do not like my AF getting drunk and behaving in ways that are crazy, it really doesn't bother me if he is drinking around me or my kids. It is not like one drink and I am out the door, but he does seem to have a pattern of getting totally smashed as the evening progresses. Most of the time he just gets drunk but doesn't cause drama, sometimes he gets drunk and is sloppy, stumbling have to carry him to bed (not me mind you) , but once in a while he is angry and can be scary. We live about 100 miles from him so our visits are planned ahead of time and we don't see him but every few months. From where I see things it just seems logical (after this past weekend) that our normal plan from this point forward is to leave by 8:00 pm and skip staying the night. Leave earlier if a boundary is crossed. I honestly do not want to try to control him (I know frankly that I can't), but just let him know where I stand so that when he choses to get tanked no one needs to talk about anything. We just all know a head of time the plan. Where things get tricky is he likes everyone to get together for family vacations where we all stay together or very close together (a big house in the mountains or the same hotel). Those times it is a little harder to simple leave (especially the big house). I would really like to stop that and set up two locations (the party house and the sober house if you will). All of the active A's and their SO can stay in one and my brother and I and our families can stay in the other one. I have no plan to leave my brothers wedding unless he (or any other A's) get out of control in a scary way. My brother has now decided his wedding will be a dry event so that may (yes may not will) prevent alcoholic craziness. It will be the after party back at the hotel (or where ever) that will be the questionable time period.