Originally Posted by
hwsm 
I spend the last 2 1 /2 hours deleting photos of XABF from my pc and phone. Getting rid of the last reminders, because I was never going back. He hadn't contacted me in 15 days. I made the last contact where he basically reminded me that it was me who said that I was done and he was just abiding by my wishes. Vacation helped, but once I got back home, the melancholy sank in. Went to one Al-Anon meeting. Been in bed ever since, coming out to eat and use bathroom. It sucks, I know. I've been stalking some facebook friends, playing games and videos that make me cry more. Very depressed and badly in need of a shower, lol. Then, last night before I finally went to sleep, I get a text from him. Says "Just to let you know. My step-father had a very serious heart attack & is in intensive care. Scheduled 4 triple by-pass on Mon, I am going to bed. Think of u everyday."
Feelings ALL OVER AGAIN -- WHY? I think I need a rehab of my own somewhere.
Honey I am so sorry youre going through this. I am going through the same thing. I was with someone I love so damn much and broke it off last night while he was drunk. I woke up and deleted him from my facebook, switched my "in a relationship" to "single" and just hope for the best. I talk to loads of people, on chat, read forums, call friends, go for a walk, go to work. Im not eating and Im barely sleeping, when I do sleep hes in my dreams and haunting me but...I know how you feel.
The ONLY way Im getting through this is that all I am remembering is how bad it was.
Im remembering every time he got drunk and how much I was beginning to hate him. Im remembering every time he screwed me over with promises and wishes and didnt deliver. Im remembering all the times he was drunk and said horrible and non sensical things to me that I for some reason NEVER EVER forgot and held against him for months. I think of all the times Ive had to PAY financially for his lack of ambition and support. I think of all the things I want to do in my life and how I cannot do them with him in this state. I think of how i used to be and how I am now. I think of how much I want an awesome life and I cant have that when Im dating someone with so much baggage.
My boyfriend was sober for two months, white knuckle, cold turkey. It was hard even then. He was bored, antsy, really depressed, STILL talking about needing to get out of his head with other substances. Even THEN i was miserable. EVEN THEN i was trying to CONSTANTLY find ways for both of us to have fun while he was being sober. EVEN THEN it was exhausting.
I know it hurts. I know in a couple days for me its going to get bad too, but I keep in check by constantly remembering how bad it was before. I hope to god you can get out of your depression. Please focus on why this happened, to me its the best way to move on.
If you ever want to talk to someone, Im going through the same thing, please feel free to message me.