Someone on SR recently had recommended watching some of Craig Ferguson's youtube or netflix videos. He is a RA for the past so many years. He puts a lot of his dark humor into his stand up. Some of it is crass, but I found some of his jokes rather funny.
What I liked and took was what he said about saying things (anything in any situation):
He said something like, "I ask myself three questions: 'Does this need to be said?', 'Does this need to be said right now?', and 'Does this need to be said right now by me?'? And most times, none of these applies."
I like this. I have, in the past, had a tendency to want to react, defend, be CLEAR, etc., when none of those things really apply to whatever situation at hand. I also learned with my own AF that it really never mattered who said what to him, he would only hear whatever he thought was useful to protect his drinking.
I've learned from here and in Al-anon, that boundaries are rules that I make for myself and not impose upon others. This has helped me navigate a very peaceful existence. (so far, TODAY).
Take what you like and leave the rest.