I have betrayed my child's sense of security
I am having such horrible guilt and anxiety. My youngest son, aged 15, has moved out to live with his father. He cannot take the roller-coaster any longer. My ABF was verbally abusive to him about 2 weeks ago, about a week after he fell off the wagon. He can be an extremely mean drunk. Long story short I threw ABF out and assured my son he would never have to take that type of sh*t again.
Fast forward two weeks to this past weekend and, of course, I have taken ABF back in. He has hit rock bottom in 3 weeks time thanks to partying without relent and I am in full-on codie mode. He is going to start detox tomorrow with Librium, supposedly.
My son says he is not going to have any part of it this time around. Things were "ok" between ABF and son during the 5 months of sobriety. The preceding year, when ABF was not sober, was hell according to my son. He says that he stayed here with me because he wanted to give me support and to give ABF a chance to prove himself while sober.
I am just so freaking depressed now. I can't bear to not be involved in my son's day-to-day life. I can't bear for him to believe that I am choosing my ABF over him. I asked him to please give ABF another chance to be sober and then reassess the situation. He said no.
That's all. I really just needed to get this off my chest.
Maureen