View Single Post
Old 08-08-2011, 12:21 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
nicam
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 187
How sick we become...

Been reading and posting here for a while and it's just amazing how many stories here are so much alike. Same ****, different drunk. Some of the posts Ive read could have been written by me and applied word for word!

What kills me is that we as nons never end up looking good in these situations. We are victims of abuse and are so often pushed to levels where we do crazy things, feel crazy, and take the blame. It's shocking to me how our entire lives and selves are dismantled bit by bit until there is nothing left but a hollow shell.

I have become so sick in the nearly 2 years I've been involved with XABF to the point where I almost took my own life because he had successfully convinced me I was the problem. His verbal and emotional abuse was so intense I believed I was worthless and nobody would ever love me and clung to him after my friends, health, finances, job, etc. all fell by the wayside. I swear part of me still wants him to validate me after he treated me like garbage over and over again. I begged HIM not to abandon ME. Sick! I feel so ashamed. We havent even had 24 hours of NC and I am still obsessed with this.

At least here I have learned that my situation is not at all unique and they all follow the same patterns in relationships. At least I'm not the only one that questions her own sanity. Thank you all so much, it's been so helpful. SR is truly a life saver!
nicam is offline