Hey WTBH...sending you some positive thoughts for peace today. What a roller-coaster, huh? Some day you will be in that happy place looking back at this and it will seem like a moment, instead of all-encompassing. That I do know.
What worked for me in my divorce was to find the string...the ex's motivator...and negotiate around that. It was money. I went for joint custody because I knew he would fight me for anything else on principle, but I negotiated permanent sole physical custody for less child support than I would have won in court. I also agreed to another reduction when I moved out of state 3 years later. It worked each time.
Just sayin'...