duqld1717 I just happened upon this board again, I wonder if I wasn't led here to answer you.
I struggled with my AH for 6 years+. In the end I divorced him. We both moved on. I have peeked at his facebook and he is remarried, sober, and has a house in Florida. On the outside it looked really nice and honestly I felt bad. And then we spoke. He is happy with this new woman but he has nothing. He spent himself into a hole of debt. Cashed in his 401k but never thought of the tax consequences and owes the state tens of thousands of dollars. He is doing his best to be happy but he regrets losing our marriage, our stability, and me. The house is hers.
But the more important part is I am far far happier than I was with him. I spent three years single but not alone. I made new friends, started new activities and hobbies. Got a great job. Made my own way in the world. Then one day I met this gorgeous sexy hunk of a man who is sitting in the living room watching Mad Men reruns with me after spending a day at the beach together. I don't kiss him to smell his breath, I kiss him to feel his lips on mine. I don't find cans all over the place. I don't get stressed if he's late because he has a normal reason to be late.
If you do the work on your on head, and learn who you are, and to be your own person, what happens with your ex, good or bad, will be immaterial to you.
You did something good here - you broke free. Now keep free.
xoxo