Hello Sally, and feel free to talk and vent all you want
You have a huge amount of stress in your life right now, not the least of which is dealing with your A having two years of clean time. Adjusting to that is stressful in itself, and then you add everything else. I'm glad you guys had a bit of vacation, I hope it helped.
As far as the medical issue, I have a few of my own. A couple weeks ago four of my docs called each other on the phone and scheduled apointments for me all on the same day, one after the other. Then they called me and told me to show up, no other choice given. The time between being told I _could_ have something terribly wrong and actually finding out can be a nightmare.
It's times like that where the principles of recovery are most helpful to me. I found my mind wandering off into the worst imaginary catastrophe, so I forced myself to say a prayer. Over and over and over..... The principle is that I can only hold one thought in my head at a time, so if I focus on a prayer I keep myself from spiraling into panic.
I called everybody I knew, and then everybody on the phone lists I have from my meets and asked them how _they_ are doing. That helped distract me and keep my mind away from that spiral. I went to as many meetings as I could, just so I wouldn't sit around the house with that frightened mind.
After doing that for a bit I was able to "center" myself and actually "let go" of the fear and turn it over to my HP. It's easy to say the words "let go", but sometimes I find it very hard to _really_ "let go". I was able to focus on the issues that _are_ my responsibility, and stop obsessing over those that are _not_. Such as what the doctors were going to tell me. That's _their_ problem, not mine.
When I finally went to see them I got bad news, but nowhere near as bad as I had imagined. I was in a very "centered" frame of mind when I sat with them, so i didn't freak out or anything. In fact, it was more like, "ok, that doesn't sound too bad, what do you want me do about it?" I actually had to convince one of the docs that I understood the issues, he said he'd never seen anybody be so calm about it. * lol *
Whatever program of recovery you guys have, now is the time to put it to use. That's what recovery is all about, to help us get thru the nightmares the life sometimes throws at us.
Oh yeah, and keep posting here. There's a whole lot of people here who understand _exactly_ what you are talking about cuz we're going thru it too.
Mike