Thank you all for your kind words. I am depressed. I know it and I hate the pathetic person that I have become because of this. This is so not me. I was a happy person. I had everything. The one thing that was missing in my life was my soul mate and I thought I we found each other. Since then, my life has become a living hell. Doubting myself and becoming someone who feels the need to "check up" on someone else. Crying all the time and not taking care of myself. My mom is now worried about me. I take ambien to sleep at night and find myself looking forward to the time when I can take it again, just so I can go to sleep and get some relief from the pain. My mom said I should talk to him and get some closure. I didn't really want that because we all know that you can't reason with someone who's been drinking. So, I texted him back and said I was sorry about his step-father and that I would keep him and his family in my prayers. I also said that I loved and missed him and was having a hard time moving on. I guess I was hoping to open the door to a real conversation. I know it's over. I know I can't go back to what we had. I don't want what we had! I just needed some kind of closure. And you know what that a**hole did? Nothing. He didn't even text me back at all. So I put myself out there again....for nothing. Tomorrow, I going to force myself to get up, excercise, shower, and go to the store. I don't know if I can do the meetings anymore. I will have to wait and see how I feel on Wednesday.