Originally Posted by
roxiestone 
But nothing has really changed. He hasn't changed. The same things that were causing you pain are still there. So he has some feelings, doesn't change anything.
Now for you. Some good self-care is in order. If you really feel like you need professional help, then get it. Are there any al-anon or coda meetings in your area?
Are you working a recovery program for yourself? If so, then work YOUR program of recovery for yourself as hard as you WISH he'd work his.
I am really sorry that you are feeling this way. I understand it, I really do. I'm just a few months ahead of you on this process. And it is a process - where it's progress, not perfection. Just do the next right thing for you to shift your focus from him to you.
I know nothing has changed. I'm just so damn mad! This is not my fault! I didn't do anything wrong! My life was just fine until he showed up one day under the guise of falling in love with me! I fell for his **** - hook, line, and sinker!! Day by day, he drug me into his hell of drinking until I hated everything about it. I went to 2 Al-Anon meetings. Yeah, they make sense, but dammit - I didn't do anything wrong. Why do I have to be the one to go to meetings and get FIXED?? He's the problem! I'm just so angry!! I'm not the one who needs to be working a program - it's him!! I hate having all the blame put on me!! All I did was fall in love, just like millions of people do everyday. It's my dumbass luck that he turned out to be an alcoholic! I'm angry. I finally begin to make some progress and he drags me back under again!! I did block his number until I felt so guilty that I unblocked it 15 days ago so I could let him know where I stood. That's when he told me that I was the one who said I was done and if I thought he was that worthless, then maybe the day would come when me and everyone else could sit around high-fiving each other about how right we were about him. I ignored that snide comment and 15 day with nothing, until now. I didn't answer him. But now I'm back to thinking - is he still really thinking about me everyday? Because I have to force him out of my thoughts everyday. This just sucks big time. I know you're trying to help. I'm just so mad right now!!