You are in withdrawal.
It is withdrawal from the man you loved who is no more. It is withdrawal or loss of the 'hope' that he would/will find recovery. It is withdrawal from the 'evil incarnate' that he has turned into.
We do understand. Honest. It is like the person you knew had died but you can still see a form of the 'physical' body which I M H O makes the grieving even harder.
So, stick close, we are here for you, we do understand so well.
One thing I have found that works for me and others have also, is this:
When you feel the shakes coming on, when your mind starts racing and you do not know if you are coming or going:
STOP EVERYTHING.
Take a deep deep breath. Hold to a 'slow' count of 10.
Exhale.
Repeat 10 more times.
This can be done quietly, even in a room full of people.
What will happen is 1) your are concentrating on the 'slow counts' and what breath number you are on. This slows down the racing brain, 2) you are getting more oxygen to the brain, and thus can start to think a bit more clearly, and 3) you are getting more oxygen to the WHOLE body and the shakes dissipate also.
Hope this will help you as it has myself and others.
Love and hugs,