Thread: I am so low
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Old 08-03-2011, 06:50 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Floss
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 281
Sweeteewalls. Your story really touched me. I related to it so well as I've just had recent extensive surgery in the same area. I also got HPV from my alcoholic ex. He too, in the 11th hour offered assistance. After surgery and dosed up on endone, he offered to come over, look after me and our four year old for three days. I knew he meant it and I knew he would have looked after me. I burst into tears (we separated 2 years ago and he's chronically addicted to alcohol). I told him I needed to think about it. Whilst his help would have been greatly appreciated as I have no real hands on support either and five kids, the emotional strain on me would have been too much. I called him back and asked if his three day offer was just that, three days and he'd be gone. He said yes, it was three days only. It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make because I needed looking after but the long term affect would have been emotionally devastating for me and so I said no to the offer.

I understand the resentment you feel regarding contracting the HPV from your ex too. The ripple affect of being with an alcoholic can last for a long time. Drinking A's are very selfish and self centred. Any alcoholic with enough recovery under their belt will say the same thing.

We deserve to be treated with respect, to be loved, to be nurtured. I know how fearful you must be right now. The thing is, if you stay on this path of recovery, life can and will get better. It can be slow progress...recovery takes time. It seems you have been given a 'wake up' call, as have I. We need to start taking care of ourselves. Slowly we will get stronger so that when they come back into our lives with remorse flowers etc, we will be strong enough to shut the door.

They are grown men. They know where to get help.

In the meantime, you have a lot of physical recovery to do and the emotions that go with that. Please know that even though we're in cyber space and can't do anything to help on a practical level, there are people here who understand and care about what you're going through.

By the way, please put away the whip and stop beating yourself up for asking him for help. It's so natural to turn to the person who is supposed to care for us, especially in times like this. It took me me almost two years of recovery to say no to my ex. Anytime if offered scraps, I accepted them. I won't accept his scraps anymore.

All the best sweet, I hope your recovery goes well and lots of hugs to you.
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