I am so low
I had been doing well in detaching from my separated RAH when last week I was advised that I would be having to have an emergency hysterectomy due to my uteran cancer. I found out on Monday I would be having it Friday and it didn't leave me a lot of time to prepare, make arrangements for my children, etc...So unfortunately I had to rely on the help of my separated RAH. He assured me he could be there for me because this is a serious health issue and he had our daughter's best interest at heart, so I took his help. He took off day of my surgery to take me and day after to care for our kids. Long story short, he is not in full recovery because he is not drinking but he is not working his recovery and doing the care he needs to learn to cope. He sees a counselor once a week but no AA or anything else. He feels above that. So morning of my surgery, we were on the way and a small argument turns into a big fight and he throws his hot coffee on me as I am walking in the hospital to check in to have my hyseterectomy because I have cancer. Cancer that I got due to a HPV that I acquired from an STD he gave me when he was cheating on me ...I hold a lot of resentment for that, but that's a whole nother Oprah. I come out of recovery and he has bought me some flowers as if to make up for his abusive behavior. I am just so mad at home recovering on my own that I had to even ask for his help and then he manages to kick me while I am down. He is just an awful person and I wish I could get as far away as possible. I am laying here in bed recovering not able to do household chores, not able to sleep, not able to pick up our 3 year old. No family or friends to help because they all were alienated during the course of our relationship. I called my counselor but I am not allowed to drive until August 10th, so I have an appt on 8.13. He pulled me in just to spit me out again. I really just wish he would disappear. I feel so foolish for thinking he would actually rise to the occasion. He just is not a good person who is selfish and has always put himself first. I really have to treat him like he is dead. I was just in a desperate situation and looking back I know I should have done whatever I needed to not to accept his help...I guess I wanted to believe in him still some way.