My XAH also filed the papers to divorce me. I didn't work a real job, I kept a lousy house, I was a substandard mom (compared to his saintly late mother, who let his alcoholic dad beat him), yada, yada, yada.....
So you know what I did? I let him divorce me. Didn't really fight at all. I stood up for myself at hearings and got what I wanted financially and custody wise but I kept my cool. I recognized that for him, it was just another manipulation technique. It never EVER entered his mind that I could do just fine without him. I'm quite sure that he thought within 6 months of his leaving, I would be begging him to come back, assured that he was right about everything and that my life was a directionless void without his presence to guide me. I'm sure the idea of me becoming self-sufficient was about as likely in his mind as a dog performing Shakespeare.
BLECH.
Lo and behold, it is almost 5 years later and I am STILL HERE. Not making as much money as I would like [but who is
] and still kinda lacking in a social life, but very much enjoying finding out who I am, what I like and what I want without the the alcoholic blaring bulls**t in my ears. Progress not perfection, right?
You know what? If you are living with an active alcoholic, you might as well already be single. They already have a partner and it is King Alcohol. You are probably already doing more all by yourself than you give yourself credit for. And when I thought about it, I didn't want my son to grow up to be the kind of man who would belittle his future partner or a daughter growing up to fall for a punitive, punishing man. They deserve better. AND SO DO YOU.
Hang tight, honey. We are here for you!!
PS: That letter he once wrote you? It is the equivalent of your girlfriend saying, "OMG - I am SO fat. Look at me - I'm huge!" And you are supposed to say, "Oh no, you look great....". The next time he pulls that kind of stuff, don't say anything. Or just shrug and walk away. Don't let him engage you in that - it keeps you pulled in.