I've only read OP so apologies if this is a restatement.
The thread title says it all to me.
"I can't really accept..."
The cornerstone to Al-Anon is acceptance. The entire program revolves around this primary concept. It's another way of saying "letting go". When I first came into the rooms I had not come to terms with my powerlessness over alcoholism and its effects on my qualifier and on me. It took time to accept and to let go. The unwillingness to accept is what led to the unmanageability that drove me in search of a solution to begin with.
In other words, I found that my unwillingness to accept was the main reason I needed Al-Anon.