Originally Posted by
transformyself 
Have you talked to him about final wishes? He probably knows he's dying too, doesn't he?
Stay strong Sister.
I have, but only in the context of "You never know what might happen." He refuses to see any other problem, and adamantly refuses to see a doctor for anything. "It's about like taking your car to the mechanic and saying, 'See if you can find something wrong.'" He even goes so far as to say he's in peak health and doesn't have a beer belly.
SeekingWisdom, I've considered the possibility of ascites, especially since this has been very fast -- he lost his job eight months ago, but has stayed relatively active with yard work, cooking, cleaning, and child care when he's not in an alcoholic haze. In just the past 4-5 months this severe drop in muscle mass has occurred and the growth in the belly, and I know it's not fat -- we're eating more fruits and vegetables now than ever, and we're both eating very reasonable portions of lean meat and whole grains. However, what you mentioned about anemia and nutrition deficiencies struck a chord -- one thing I have noticed is that a couple of years ago he was very good at taking his multivitamin, and often reminded me about mine. In about the past six months, I've probably seen him take it less than half a dozen times. Now I'm curious if that could be one reason for his rapid deterioration.
The other thing that struck me is your description of how much faster he deteriorated after a period of sobriety. In the past approximately 2 1/2 years, he was sober for a three-month period before he got his last job, then again for about two months after baby was born. Now due to money issues he's been forced to 4-5 really heavy drinking days a month (a fifth of whiskey and a 6-pack a day), whereas before he drank an average of 29 days a month, and generally about a pint of whiskey and a six-pack a day. Not only has the amount on his drinking days increased (even though actual days have decreased because we keep running out of money), he has gone from drinking a mid-level brand to the absolute cheapest bottom-of-the-barrel crap he can find. Before all that he was drinking steadily for about 30 years without any significant breaks that I know of.