Thank you
all so much for your thoughts! I've started to work the program...even though I'm still on step two I feel like I'm making progress. I have found additional support through on online group though I haven't been to an actual meeting yet- but I will go as soon as I can.
My situation remains the same...in just over a week, strangers will be deciding my fate in terms of my living situation and my finances. I'm not as prepared as I'd like to be. I'm taking it one day at a time :-)
I've heard it said that 'actions speak louder than words' but I must share that my AH's words and ACTIONS are both quite confusing. While he's filed for divorce, he still displays signs of affection and love towards me. I do think he's pursuing divorce partly to manipulate me, but mostly because since he got a DUI, he's having to look at himself more closely in the mirror; he sees himself as hopeless and unworthy of me...
I came across a letter that my AH had written some years ago:
Dear ____,
I’m sure f____ this up, I love you and appreciate your support but it doesn’t seem to do any good. I seem determined to end up the way I was before we met. Maybe you can hang in there till you get done with college then you can go find someone without all the problems someone who deserves you. You are the most wonderful woman I have ever met you don’t have a mean bone in your body. Your family is great and you love me that’s the most wonderful thing. I guess I’m trying to say I’m sorry for hurting you because you are the last person I want to hurt.
Love Always _____
