It's ok if you can't. You've been to many meetings and it still doesn't feel right for you, and if you have only one meeting to choose from then you can't try other meetings to see what you think.
I will say that putting your needs in front of those of your children is not always bad. Often I put my needs first, especially when I need to in order to be a good parent. If I don't care for myself I can't care for her.
Other times I put her first. It just depends, but I'm sure from the outside somebody who doesn't know my whole story is saying I'm selfish and a bad parent because I do so.
Good luck.
Cyranoak