I never went to Alanon while he was in rehab, so when he came home. I didnt give him the support he probably needed from me. I was a angry upset sad confussed distressed disfunctional fine, wife
I know I've said this here before, but... my AXH texted me while he was in rehab and told me what the statistics were for recovery for alcoholics in the program who had the support of their family (80% I think) vs those who didn't (33%). I told him that I hoped AXH would have the support of his parents, then, because I was no longer his family and I had supported him for 20 years with no sign of him wanting to get sober. The best thing I ever did for him was leave, because that motivated him to get into rehab.
I found out later that the success rate was more like 50% regardless of family support. More lies.
I know we want to help. But you can't help someone who doesn't want to help himself. It's really that simple, and that hard.
He is going to do what he is going to do. You take care of yourself. (((hugs)))