Originally Posted by
BobbyJ 
And the biggest guilt of all: I never went to Alanon while he was in rehab, so when he came home. I didnt give him the support he probably needed from me. I was a angry upset sad confussed distressed disfunctional fine, wife (that was all one word by the way) -
Would he be sober if I would have gone to Alanon, while he was in rehab?
Would he be sober if I would have been nice to him?
Would he be sober if I would of understood what an alcoholic is?
Would he, Would he
Would I, Would I
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Now, I have this text from his neice on my shoulders...
If he is next in line to drink himself to death...How am I going to handle this?
Im trying hard not to think into the future, Im trying to think about what is around the corner for me. I am having a very hard time of what if's....
Let Go & Let God..Is a powerful statement, that I repeat to myself a hundred times a day. It is one that I try so hard to apply in my life & in my mind...
I struggle with letting go and watching him kill himself to a damn bottle...
BobbyJ, ((((hugs))))
I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better right now. Dolly is right about the 3 c's. As everyone else has said they were HIS choices, including his choice not to use the tools he got in rehab.
Please go to some al-anon meetings. They are not there to teach you how to support him, they are there to help you get better, to deal with the pain and the guilt and the anger which is sure to come.
I have learned there that I can't control my A. That I can't control life or hundreds of other things. but I did learn the tools and skills and get the support on how to deal with them.
I am still early on this recovery path and I already feel much better than I have in many, many years.
Let go and let god doesn't just mean my A. It means letting go of my disease of trying to control the world and to solve everyone else's problems but my own.
I'm sending you strength and prayers to get through this. There is a solution and all you need to do is reach out and grab it.
Your friend,