Would he be sober if I would have gone to Alanon, while he was in rehab?
Would he be sober if I would have been nice to him?
Would he be sober if I would of understood what an alcoholic is?
Would he, Would he
Would I, Would I
UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Short answer: NO.
Honey if there was ANYTHING you could have done to cause him to get sober he would have got rid of you in a flash & found a new wife who would sit at home & wring her hands & wonder "would he be sober if ...". We do this crazy dance together - both partners have their role. If he'd wanted to stop the dance he could have run out of the house at any moment & gone & got the help he needed to get sober. Just like you can decide any time to quit being a codie & focus on you & your life. Doesn't mean you wont be sad about what's happening to him now. It's the outcome of years & years of choices HE made. What's going to be the outcome of the choices YOU make?