Thread: Scared
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Old 07-30-2011, 10:47 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Tuffgirl
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
WTBH, hang in there, friend.

I remember my first counseling session with a therapist because my brand new husband of two months had basically told me I was crazy and needed to learn how to communicate with men. So I decided WTH I'll go get a psych eval and talk with this MALE therapist about my situation, maybe he will have some good suggestions. Within 30 minutes he told me "your husband is a classic alcoholic and you need to leave now. He is dangerous. He may not be at this moment, or tonight, or next month. But someday he will. Why do I say that? Because you are in the way of his addiction and he will do whatever it takes to not allow that to happen. Take your kids and leave or you are putting your family in a dangerous environment."

I was appalled. No way was that my reality - albeit recognizing now it was a truly denial-fueled reality.

One year later, I went back to the same therapist and admitted he had been right. My husband had not been physically abusive, but there had been some close calls. Too close for my comfort. He was dangerous, not because he DID anything specific and documented, but because he was unpredictable, out of control, and therefore had the potential.

My therapist told me stories about other couples he had counseled dealing with active addictions, and at least 90% of them had a physical abuse component to it. It is unfortunately very common.

You did the best you could do in a tough situation. My heart goes out to you...it must have been very scary to have someone you trust turn on you and hurt and scare you. What an a-hole, doing that to his wife. Shame on him.

Remember when you are feeling self-doubt, what would you tell your daughters if they described being in this situation with some punk? My daughters and the example I was setting were my main motivator to get away, as fast as my car would take me.

Stay strong!
~T

Last edited by Tuffgirl; 07-30-2011 at 10:49 PM. Reason: typos!
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