Scared
I made the HUGE mistake of being guilted into having AH come for a day and night on vacation with my kids, my mom and I to the beach. The girls were crying about him not coming (and he always has in years past) and I folded and he came.
I spent most of the day at the beach with the girls, he went kayaking. I met him at the rented house as I got back there to put the girls down for nap. He reeked of beer and I tried to fake not being disturbed as best I could. I laid the girls down and found him waiting for me in the kitchen. He was all over me. Yelling at me that he'd been so rested and relaxed from his kayak ride and I had to give him the bitchy attitude etc... I took the bait and calmly told him I wasn't upset with him (thinking that speaking honestly would matter since ultimately it was me who I was upset with, not him). He wouldn't stop. He followed me outside, laying into me, telling me I control him, make rules, etc... I don't want to even relive the nightmare of crap he quacked at me but suffice to say I was upset by the end of it. I sat there and didn't cry, didn't really reply to the quacking and felt trapped. I wasn't about to leave the girls asleep with him and chose to not wake them. He got crazy and looked like a mad man -- making no sense etc... Finally he petered out and it ended. I got the girls up and went back to the beach. I asked him to leave before we returned. Instead we got back a few hrs later and he was in Mr. Charming mode... making dinner, putting on an act. I figured I could handle it for a few more hours and didn't force him to leave.
After the girls went to bed, he made himself a drink and asked me to tell him it was fine for him to go out and smoke. I told him I didnt need to make it ok for him to do that but reminded him that he'd been telling me he quit and said I guessed that wasn;t true. He got in my face and punched his hand into his fist about an inch from my face and told me he wanted to "punch me in the f'ing face more than life itself"... I grabbed my phone and hit record and told him I'd call the police and he switched over to accusing me of abusing him (since I was recording him) and denied threatening me. I dialed 911 and he grabbed my phone and threw it. I went to get my phone, he grabbed my arm (I have bruises) and I bit him to make it let go of my arm. I called 911 again and my mom was in the room by now bc I was screaming. She grabbed my phone and told me to "think of your daughters" and what it would do to them to have them see their father arrested (they HAVE seen it once already). AH stood there grinning. I was bawling and a mess by now. More arguing and he then slammed me into the door leaving a bruise (yes I took photos in the next days) on my back and threw me into the pantry shelf causing all the dry goods to crash to the floor. Finally he took off.
He is refusing to leave our home (I just got home with my girls today and bc he was here and would not leave I took the girls to my moms and told him not to show up or contact me). He called the police when I took the girls and the police showed up at my mom's house telling me they received a report that I was keeping our kids from him and wanted to hear my "side". Bottom line: I have no right (bc there is no report of his abuse) to keep him from the girls and the best they can offer is I can try to file a R.O. on Monday. The officer did tell me (whether he was supposed to or not I don't know) that my AH said I had abused him (which I guess bc I bit him I did) and they told him he could file a R.O. too. First thing Mon morning I am filing for a R.O. and for the first time ever I am afraid of him. Im having dreams of him killing me and the girls and am really afraid.
I can not believe how f'ing stupid I was to invite him and not demand he leave. Please don't lecture me right now about how idiotic I am. I know. I am just really sad, scared, worried, etc... I honestly never ever believed he;d get violent like this and am in a state of shock tbh. And to make matters worse he has quite a bruise from where I bit him and is claiming that I am the abuser. He handed me a typed chronology he spent this week writing that distorts reality greatly and makes it sound like I am the aggressor and tells me his mother has hired a lawyer for him and with an evil grin told me he will "destroy" me.
I'm trying to think of small steps to take but am close to being paralyzed by fear and his threats... And I have NO proof (other than pictures of small bruises that he already claims in his chronology he observed me giving myself)...
I just needed to tell someone all of this-- clearly my mom is no use and I don't know who to talk to around here (my community)...
Anyway, thanks for listening...