Hi all,
I got sober in June last year and after a very tough few first months I settled into being sober and managed it for just over 10 months. Out of boredom and being so distant from my addiction that I couldn't remember what it felt like to be drunk, I stupidly decided to drink again in April. Just once. A couple of weeks later, I drank 3 days in a row. A few more weeks passed and I had a health-scare unrelated to drinking and it freaked me out. Ever since, I have done 2-5 day binges most weeks. I came off the last one yesterday and it was the hardest quitting I have ever experienced. I have no idea how I managed to resist temptation to drink "just one more day". But of course, one can only quit in the present and not the future.
I want my sobriety back. I liked it. I didn't use it well, but that is another story.
I did frequent this forum last year but drifted away until recovery was no longer part of my life, but I am back now. I know I need a support group to stay sober and I hope you guys can be it -- as long as I remember to keep coming back.
I know now I need to do the following things differently:
- Keep recovery in my life so I can get better and not forget that I am an alcoholic
- Take better care of myself and not try to bury myself in work and use that to hide myself from life
- Be brave and accept that I need to change some of the comforts in my life because they aren't working for me
Today has been really tough but I hope I know from last time what to expect. It will be one-day-at-a-time for me. I know there isn't any quick cure. I would be lying if I said that I am really enthusiastic about starting on this journey again. Right now I am down on myself and I still have some anxiety from sobering up. But I know this is the path and while my emotions may not be certain of it, my brain knows fully well that it is the right one. Now I just need to align the two. LOL.
It is both scary and great to be back. I read posts yesterday while I was in that dark dark place and it was comforting reading of fellow souls going through the same thing as me. You guys may not know it, but you helped me.
Thank you and I wish you all the best in your own journeys towards a happier life!