Originally Posted by
breakingglass 
oh and i might mention that AA is not an option. he went to a couple of meetings and the religious part of it totally turned him off. as it would me. so please dont' suggest that option. he's so not going to go for all the touchy feeling hugging and circle making kind of stuff....
I can't speak from an AA perspective but the Al-Anon meetings I attend are nothing like that.
As for the religious part, well, I am an atheist and have no problem making the 12 step program work for me. You can use life, the universe, the force, inner wisdom, the wisdom of the group, some rock as your higher power.
What I have learned is that the part of me that is verbal and observing and controlling is not all of me. I breath, live, grow new cells, process food and oxygen without conscious thought. By tapping into this part of myself that is not my observing self I have found a huge source of strength and wisdom. Being pragmatic it is as simple as that. It works, doesn't matter how.
So, my higher power is outside of me, my observing self, but part of ME, the whole me that includes but is beyond the ego or observing self.
I would strongly recommend Al-anon for you. It has made a huge difference in my life (see above). As for your AH his recovery is his to own, not yours. He will get better when he is ready. If he really wants to get better the god/higher power issue won't be a problem. He will figure it out.
Remember, you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.
Keep coming back, we are here to help if we can.
((((hugs))))