I wrote down on a little piece of paper all the "bad, rotten, lowdown stuff" he had done and in the moments I missed him so bad I pulled it out and read it- oh no- not going to call that lying, selfish, abusive, drunk,---------blankedly blank, quacking, son of a gun today........I missed the potential of him- not who he had changed to be.....I missed the guy I had married-not who he had progressed/regressed to really BE ! Apply the steps- I am powerless over these feelings and my life feels unmanagable right now. God I am praying for your will for me right now and I'll let you have it. I TRUST you can handle it.God I know you can handle it. I'll go to a meeting. I'll call a recovering code friend. Eventually after many years of code slips I finally by God's grace realized it was hurting ME. I was blowing my serinity each day I let him run around my head rent free. I kept busy. I tried not to romanticize about what he was doing. (He was getting smashed-not getting into recovery). Work the program you wish he would work. Meeting makers make it. Pick up the 100 lb. phone. Think it all the way to the end- I will break contact- he'll be all mushy- I'll be all mushy- we will disagree on the substance abuse or some thing else- we will fight- hang up- feel bad- feel guilty for breaking no contact.