Welcome, kbhaze, good to meet you but sorry we're meeting here.
Your story and feelings are so familiar. I can tell you that there is hope for YOU, but can't promise hope for the relationship. All I wanted was my husband back, but that was not to be. That man from 30 years ago is gone, if he ever really existed. He also believed me to be the reason he drinks, and said in marriage counseling that "if I can get away from NewChapter, I'll be happy." Turns out it wasn't me.
But Alanon and SR taught me to detach, and that I get to decide what the rest of my life looks like. Our divorce was final almost one year ago and I do have hope.
You are not alone; many of us have been there and have made different decisions about which road to take when that time comes. Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. You are a precious daughter of God (HP) and deserve to be treated that way. Please be sure YOU are treating you that way. Hugs and prayers to you tonight.