I know it hurts but sometimes I think our disapointment in them is more about a sadness for not seeing the truth. Letting go of that fantasy we wanted. His reality punched you in the gut again so maybe that is why going NC was something you had to do.... To avoid just the hurt you are having.
Just try not to beat yourself up of torture yourself whether or not you contact him. Either way isn't easy when someone we love is drinking their life away.
I am with you on this, there is no easy way to feel the sadness unfortunately. You have to go through it to get to the other side. Then you will wonder why you allowed yourself to be in this situation.
I'm not there yet myself. There will be good days, strong days and then weaker ones. I really feel for you. Hang in there.